I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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