I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
