Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize