Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
where are my eyebrows?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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