She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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