No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
MIDGETS
????
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
