everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
