He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
