i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
