i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
