Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
