i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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