It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
