gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
