I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize