i barfeds in our rink
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
