That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
