I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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