Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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