the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
