wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
