pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
