final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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