Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
