i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
