I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
