This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
