When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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