Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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