I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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