Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
