Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
