Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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