DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
