sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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