if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
