i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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