There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize