you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
