Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize