it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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