that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize