The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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