I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
