Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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