Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
