why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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