Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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