That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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