hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
