mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
