The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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