barbara walters just said penis...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
