is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
