apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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