I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
