Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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