I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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