tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
