We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
