I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
