I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
too bad you live with your parents still
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
