i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
