It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
