That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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