My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize