just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just found puke in my bra..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
