Ambien. No doubt about it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
