Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
