and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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