Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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