i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
