I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
