Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
