Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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