Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize