I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
