i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
