$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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