she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
