They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
